We've all read the blog posts out there about the person who figured that once they lost weight, they would "finally" feel happiness. It always starts with the thought that who we are initially is not good enough, and that through changing our lifestyles and eating better and working out, we will be happy, like the rest of the skinny people out there. The end of the article always says the same thing, "I discovered, I felt the same way when I was 'skinny' as I did when I was not skinny."
Happiness is never a destination. It's not a plane ticket to a hot place, or a lower number on the scale. Happiness is a journey, and it's one we need to pay more attention to.
Since my venture into fitness, I've had my ups and downs. As I write this, I am pushing through a (mild) low, and I am writing this to remind me, and whoever else is reading this, that happiness is always a journey, and sometimes there are going to be things that happen to make your journey go a bit differently than originally planned. Like that one person in the car on the road trip who just always has to pee.....
I've realized, the closer and closer I get to that ideal body that I (thought) I wanted, that my happiness is dependant on me, not how my body looks, because I can feel just as shitty about what I see in a mirror now, as I did when I was overweight, and I know that I'm being ridiculous. My amazing husband just smiles and holds me when I'm having one of those bad days, and waits for me to come back to earth, when he promptly tells me I was acting like an idiot.
He knows that I know that he realizes it's bigger than that. It's bigger than just "being happy" because I should be. It's being happy because I truly feel happy, and unfortunately I have battled anxiety for most of my life starting in my teen years. And unfortunately, my happiness and my weight have been linked in my brain for far too long. I've got an extremely rational mind, sometimes too logical for my own good (which is such an odd thing for a creative person like myself to say, those damn musicians) so even when I'm beating myself up and feeling like crap because my skin on my abs isn't as tight as it was yesterday, I know that I'm being ridiculous. That doesn't stop those feelings from forming and becoming the forefront of everything I am feeling.
What I wanted to come here to say was this: no matter what, you must find happiness right here and right now, and never expect to find it once you achieve something. Happiness is not something that can be grabbed or held onto. It has to be found and appreciated and that will foster more happiness. Find it in the little moments of your day. For me, that's sitting at work with some free time, enjoying how beautiful the weather is, so having the door open and fresh air coming in through the store. That's making me happy right now, and that fact that I am happy, makes me happy.
Sounds silly, but that's how it works with me. If I can find one moment of happiness, to remind me how great it feels to feel happy, then I'm good.
Love yourselves, and realize that we all have the capability to feel the most joy and bliss that we could ever imagine, just by being human. You are worthy.
